Living by the law or the spirit

 The reading of the gospel this weekend can be particularly confronting in an age when we are familiar with the number of marriages that end in divorce. This is not only devastating for the couple and their families but has a profound impact on their children. People do not make this decision lightly and there is often a hidden wound about whether a person can trust themselves to another with what is most personal and most intimate about themselves. 

When we look at the gospel that Jesus teaches this weekend he looks at how marriage is called to reflect the profound giving of one person to the other. He sees this as a covenant which binds two people in a relationship so close that they become a new person seeking the good in the other. This is not a decision to be taken lightly and we see many courses which seek to prepare people for this relationship of mutuality. It seeks to guide the other to become their best self which builds them up to give freely their love one to another.

This calls for a good knowledge of ourselves and a good knowledge of the other. This is not just an intellectual assent which knows things about the other person but it is a deeper knowledge of the heart which assents to what is fundamentally good about ourselves and that person. It helps us to know how from the time that we are children that we are shaped by our experience, our families and the context in which we live. It takes a time of listening, respect and a discerning spirit to be open and vulnerable to what is deepest about ourselves and the other person. It cannot be rushed or taken for granted. It needs to mature and grow as a person comes closer to the other.

It calls for a person to be faithful to the other not just in bed but in the everyday decisions which draw a couple closer to each other. The way we manage a household, in deciding where they live, it what brings hope and meaning to life and in discussing issues together. This faithfulness is nurtured especially in prayer and in the small daily kindnesses. It calls for an encouragement which notices both our limitations and our strengths. It enables others to grow closer in their capacity for intimacy and vulnerability.

These foundations build the place where children can be welcomed and formed with loving attention. Each child will develop in ways which will amaze, confuse and challenge parents to respond to their individual needs and desires. They will surprise their parents with wonder and grace, with failures and sadnesses but ultimately with hope, faith and love. They will transform their parents by who they are and who they become.

Yet in the midst of these challenges we also pray  for couples who do experience divorce, for single parents raising children and those adoptive parents who seek to care for the formation of children. In all these situations we are called to be people who look lovingly at the real and discover ways that we can support each other to build communities of faith, hope and love. It is about discovering a God who guides us by the love of each other which sustains us in life. To allow God to labour with us to rebuild trust and to discover the good in challenging situations.