Our prayer at times of trial can be particularly problematic as we can feel that God has abandoned us. A reaction can grow in the pit of our stomach, engulfing us with fear and trepidation that we must have done something wrong. This anxious sense can flood us with stories that can overflow into our minds and our hearts. We become nervous and flighty jumping at ghosts and becoming overwhelmed by the circumstances we are in. This is more than just a reaction to an external threat but rather our vulnerability to the picture that we paint.
Often this emerges in those restless nights when we toss and turn worried about how we will chart a safe course. Even when sleep seems to come we become besieged by strange dreams and phantoms that break like waves upon us. They capture us in bizarre movies and scripts that try to make sense out of nonsense. Sometimes they are so vivid that they wake us in fright and bathe us in sweat. They seem to be more real than reality itself.
Yet amid these stormy thoughts, we can become awakened to a God who calms the seas around us. There is an acknowledgment that this is where faith is born. The realization that God is with us even in our darkest night. By abandoning ourselves in trust to God's embrace we discover a God who as Theresa or Avila says writes straight with crooked lines!
Beautiful reflection, thank you
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